I’ve worked with families and couples for over 10 years, and it is completely natural to have a variety of beliefs and attitudes toward counseling. Dealing with a partner’s resistance to couples counseling can be because of a variety of reasons. Previous bad experiences in therapy. Believing that their problems aren’t that bad or aren’t solvable. Even social stigma about needing to go to therapy (it’s not just for people with a serious mental illness). Today, there is still a lot of stigma about going to therapy and people may be fearful that friends and family will judge them for going. There are also some misconceptions about what to expect in therapy
Focus on the possible benefits of couples counseling
What bothers your partner most about you and the relationship? Do you feel more like roommates than lovers? Is there too much unresolved conflict? Does one person feel that they do more than the other? Has the relationship been impacted by infidelity that has not been effectively processed and healed? These are all things that couples counseling can help with.
Get curious
What are your partners concerns or fears? What are their worries? Can you provide any reassurances or agreements that will address those concerns. Put those concerns down on paper and make sure to ask your potential therapist about that during the consult call: What to ask a therapist during the phone consultation.
Suggest that you go alone
to COUPLES COUNSELING FOR ONE for a while and if your partner changes their mind, you can find a couples counselor and start couples counseling at that point, or even continue with both as being in individual therapy while working on your relationship in couples counseling can be very beneficial. A lot of good can be done when one partner goes to therapy and focuses on their own growth and self improvement…..Share what you are focusing on in individual therapy so your partner can help you be a better partner.
Engage your partner
in the process of interviewing therapists….yes, you need to interview at least 3 therapists when trying to find the right therapist for you. Click HERE for questions to ask a potential therapist. Most counselors offer a 15 complimentary phone consultation. This gives you and your partner a chance to hear them answer your questions, share how they work (are they collaborative, structured, unstructured, do they lead or let the couple lead)?
Because it’s worth mentioning: WHAT NOT TO DO! Less effective methods of getting your partner to come to couples counseling: Cajole, plead, demand, threaten your partner or the relationship, criticize, name call, STONEWALL…But seriously, if there is anything I can do to answer your questions, help set expectations or reduce anxiety, don’t hesitate to Contact Me!
