Many times couples wonder if it’s too early in their relationship for couples counseling.  Or they feel like failures for coming in months after they’ve started dating.  My answer is always “The Earlier the Better!”  The longer you wait after discovering problems in the relationship the more time and opportunity you have to create bad habits, create distance and resentment between you both, and start developing feelings of hopelessness.   

 

5 Reasons Why It’s Never Too Early in a Relationship to go to Couples Counseling

 

1. Nip problems in the bud.

I always encourage couples to come in to COUPLES COUNSELING  early.  That is because we can stop problems before they become habitual problems.  If you have been automatically responding to your partner for 5, 10 or 15 or more years in an ineffective way, it is THAT MUCH HARDER to turn it around.  It’s not impossible with the right degree of self awareness, commitment and skills. But, if you notice the problems early and make a concerted effort to replace them with more effective behaviors, you will be on the right track to building a loving, intimate relationship.  

2. Learn skills that you have NEVER been taught.

There are no classes in middle or high school that teach you how to be in a relationship, what to expect, how to manage conflict, or how to communicate clearly.  Many times we fumble through relationships.  We read false and misleading sex and relationship advice.  Or we look to our friends for advice, who are just as confused as us!  Couples counseling and marriage therapy can help you build valuable relationship skills and become effective partners.  

3. Dispel unproductive relationship myths. 

Society teaches us a number of totally false and harmful things about relationships like: 

    1. If you fight your relationship is doomed.  
    2. If you have sexual problems then there must be relationship problems. 
    3. If your partner doesn’t automatically know what you want or need then they must not love you (no one is psychic. YES! You HAVE to be clear and direct with your needs and desires).
    4. If a woman doesn’t orgasm with penis and vagina intercourse then there is something wrong with her, or him, or both of them (ack, MYTH BUSTER: most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm).  

Unfortunately, these myths are confusing, misleading and lead to unnecessary heartbreak.  

4. Identify, address and resolve deal-breakers early on. 

Deal breakers are things that could POTENTIALLY cause problems in the relationship if not dealt with effectively between the partners.  These could be things like having kids or not. If partners disagree on having kids or not, that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with their relationship or that they are not compatible.  What it does mean is that they will need to work through this difference and negotiate an outcome that works for both of them. Many couples notice a potential deal breaker early on.  But they postpone addressing it until they are married.  By then it matters even more that they can work it through. There is more at stake now! Other deal breakers can be religious differences, lifestyle differences, where they want to live, navigating open versus monogamous relationships, etc. 

5. Understand and get comfortable with the SERVICE of COUPLES COUNSELING.

I am always so hopeful and confident in the future of their relationship when a couple comes in early.  When they are open to addressing and resolving a problem.  And when they are eager to learn the specific relationship skills that can completely turn their relationship around.   This first hand positive experience helps them understand the purpose and effectiveness of COUPLES COUNSELING.

 

I once saw a newly married couple that were already talking about divorce.  They came in sad, scared and hopeless that their relationship was doomed.

After several sessions we discovered that in order to avoid conflict they were both MAKING ASSUMPTIONS about each other instead of being curious, asking questions and leaning into the tension that the possible inquiry could cause.  Once they started asking questions and sharing more deeply with each other, they realized that they loved each other deeply, could tolerate their differences and wanted to stay in the marriage!

They were a happy couple that committed to the new skills.  They stated they would return to couples counseling as soon as they noticed a problem in their communication.  And, they now understood HOW couples counseling can serve them and WHEN to engage (EARLY NOT LATER)! 

 

If you are even thinking about couples counseling for your relationship then that is a good sign your relationship could benefit from couples counseling.  It is never too early! Give me a call to see how I can help you sort through your dynamics and conflicts. Or find a time that fits your schedules and BOOK ONLINE HERE now!