How Couples Counseling Works

If you’re thinking about starting couples counseling, you might be asking yourself: “How does couples counseling actually work?”

For many people, this is their very first time in therapy, and it can feel uncertain, intimidating, or even a little scary. You may wonder whether it will help, or if your relationship is “too far gone.” Those feelings are completely normal.

What I’ve seen in my years as a couples therapist in Denver is that when couples are willing to show up and put in the work, counseling can bring real change — more connection, more understanding, more intimacy, and more hope.

Couples Counseling Can Help Provide:

Through our work together, you can expect to gain:

• An increase in your understanding of yourself and your partner.
• A deeper connection to your partner.
• New skills for more effective communication.
• A clear picture around the dynamics in the relationship, so that you can change the ones that harm the relationship and build on the ones that are good for the relationship.

While I can’t do the work for you, I’ll be right there beside you, offering tools, encouragement, and perspective while you practice new, productive, and healthy interactions with each other.

Are all Couples Counselors the same?

Five Things You Can Expect in Couples Counseling With Me

1. Clarity

Couples counseling works because it brings clarity and understanding to the problems in the relationship.  We will clarify the dynamics in the relationship that are causing you dissatisfaction. I will provide the skills, tools, supportive environment, and encouragement when things get hard, but you have to do the hard work of putting those skills and techniques into action.  This will require an investment of your time and energy!  I will help you define your goal (more connection? more passionate sex? better conflict resolution?) and provide you with the road map and tools you need to get to that goal.

2. Hope

I often hear couples say, “We’ve been together so long, maybe it’s too late to change our dynamics.”  Rubbish! I work with couples who have been together for decades.  Over time, some bad habits may have developed. Still, it’s never too late to reflect on how our behaviors and habits are impacting our satisfaction in our relationships and change things that no longer serve us. Notice: I’m not encouraging you to focus on what your partner is doing wrong. That will get you nowhere!  We are all constantly growing and changing.  I believe that where there’s a will, there’s a way.  If you want to see more love, connection, and harmony in your relationship, there is a way, and I can help you.

3. Focus on the Here and Now

Your past experiences are very important in the role they played in teaching you about love, family, trust, and relationships.  It’s also important that your partner is aware of those experiences.  However, in couples counseling, we won’t delve deeply into your childhood (unless you specifically request it).  My goal is to get you to show up to your relationship RIGHT NOW, and TOMORROW, and the NEXT DAY in a way that heals your past injuries, and builds a secure relationship RIGHT NOW.

4. Practical Techniques

Couples counseling helps individuals develop essential communication skills. I have extensive training and experience in a number of tried and true methods of improving communication, managing conflict, building emotional connection (falling back in LOVE!), and improving your sex life.  You will practice new ways of communicating during our sessions, and I’ll send you home with tasks and activities to help reinforce those new skills at home.

5. Lightheartedness and Humor

What’s so funny about therapy? Well, humor plays an important role in our ability to cope with stress, defuse tension, and HAVE FUN.  I can help you do some real growth and development while also keeping things light-hearted and fun! We mustn’t stop playing just because we are no longer children.  And, studies prove, when you laugh together, your relationship will benefit.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Starting couples counseling is a brave decision, and it can be the beginning of real change in your relationship. At Couples Counseling of Denver, I offer in-person relationship therapy in Denver as well as virtual therapy for couples anywhere in the world. Check out my FAQ page for more information about how therapy works with me.

If you’re ready to see what’s possible for your relationship, reach out today to schedule a free 15-minute consultation. Together, we’ll talk about your goals, answer your questions, and see if we’re a good fit to work together.