The holidays are right around the corner. Here are some tips to help strengthen and preserve your relationship.
The holidays can be a joyous time full of family, friends, and seasonal activities. However, they can also be a time of stress, intense and sometimes complex emotions, obligation, over-commitment, over-indulgence, and conflict.
1. Simplify
Keep it simple. It can be easy to get caught up in the activities, invites, expectations and pressures. Before you know it, you’ve said yes to every event and activity that came your way and you are feeling overwhelmed and frazzled. Do not overbook yourself. Think about activities and rituals that bring you the most joy and are most meaningful for you. Commit to those and without guilt say no to the things that will just deplete you.
2. Prioritize your values.
Family time, tradition, gift giving, special meals! Have a conversation with your partner. Ask them “What are the most important parts of the holidays for you?”. Don’t worry if it’s different for your partner than for you. This is a great opportunity to NEGOTIATE through the differences and come to a win-win plan. Focus on things that hold the biggest sense of importance in your life and have the holidays reflect your shared values.
3. Don’t get sucked into the commercialization of the holidays.
The holidays can provide opportunities for gift giving, but sometimes quality time or a memorable experience can be just as, if not, more valuable and enjoyable. If you have children, help them think about ways to support the community and care for others. Consider helping your child to select a gift for a child less fortunate than them can teach them empathy and service.
4. Keep focused on your health, diet, and fitness goals.
Have plans and strategies for managing drinking, limiting sweets and sugar intake, and staying active. Incorporate healthy options into a traditional meal. Make staying active a family tradition. Think about family walking, biking, or anything to stay active after a big meal.
5. Just Say No (And yes when it is a Whole-Hearted Yes).
BOUNDARIES are everything around the holidays. Physical and emotional boundaries that help support you and your family is vital. Block out times in your calendar for “unscheduled” activities and downtime. And then protect that free time! Accept that you as a couple are not going to be able to go to every event and THAT’S OKAY! If it’s hard to say no, think about how valuable it is to role model good boundaries for family and friends! Boundaries are a gift to yourself-and others.
BONUS TIP: Co-manage stress as a couple: Help your partner manage the stress of the holidays by checking in with them, asking how you can help (or jumping in and taking the initiative to help), and supporting them in reducing stress with exercise (sex counts here too!), laughter, and fun activities. Make sure you have a plan for difficult family members: rescue your partner from that annoying aunt, or that parent that likes to put down your partner, or that cousin who doesn’t stop talking. Working together can help you navigate the family dynamics together, making you feel more close and connected.
In COUPLES COUNSELING I can help you develop and negotiate a plan for the holidays! It will help you feel more connected, less stressed, and more joyful by the New Year! Contact me now!
