Why “Self Care” is Ridiculous!

Why I Think “Self Care” Is a Ridiculous Phrase (But Still Really Important)

Here’s why the whole idea of “self-care” drives me a little nuts:
We shouldn’t need a trendy phrase or a Pinterest-ready checklist to remind us to take care of ourselves.

From the time we’re young, we’re taught how to care for our bodies — eat nutritious food, rest when we’re tired, move our bodies, and go outside. Over time, this evolved into a movement.

But the truth is:
Taking care of yourself isn’t a revolution.
It’s a requirement.

And when it comes to your relationships, self-care (even if I roll my eyes at the word) is one of the most powerful things you can do to show up with love, connection, and emotional presence. It’s the foundation for better communication, more meaningful connections, and healthier conflict management — all essential ingredients for a strong partnership and successful couples counseling.

Why Attention to Yourself Matters in Couples Counseling

1. Couples Counseling Works Better When You Focus on Yourself

Many couples come in with a long list of things they want their partner to change. But in therapy, you’ll hear me say it again and again:
Focus on your own role, patterns, and areas for improvement.

This is self-care — the real kind.

Sometimes, individual relationship counseling can be incredibly helpful alongside couples therapy. Talking to an individual therapist helps you get clear about your goals, understand the parts you play in the dynamic, and figure out what you can start improving right away.

2. You Need to Feel Balanced to Show Up Well in Your Relationship

If you’re exhausted, hungry, overwhelmed, or stretched thin, how are you supposed to show up as the best version of yourself in your relationship?

When you’re depleted, even small stresses feel magnified — and interactions with your partner can quickly shift into defensiveness or irritability.

Taking care of your basic needs (sleep, food, rest, support, downtime) gives you the energy, patience, and stability to respond to your partner with clarity instead of reactivity.

3. Moving Your Body Helps You Manage Stress (and Your Relationship Benefits)

As a relationship therapist in Denver, I regularly recommend active, playful ways couples can reconnect. We live in a place full of opportunities to get moving together:

• Hiking trails

• Ski weekends

• Cycling routes

• Running paths

• Even ax-throwing (yes, it’s a thing — and it’s fun)

You don’t have to do these activities as a couple for them to help your relationship. Moving your body lowers stress, improves mood, and helps you regulate your emotions — which means you can show up more grounded in your partnership.

For more ideas on strengthening connections, you might like my post on Finding Balance in Relationships.

4. A Satisfying Sex Life Depends on Real Self-Care

When couples come in for sex therapy, I often start with questions about the basics:

• Are you sleeping enough?

• Eating foods that give you energy?

• Moving your body regularly?

• Getting emotional and social support?

• Feeling connected to your community or spirituality?

Self-care isn’t the only factor in sexual desire — but neglecting your physical, emotional, and mental well-being can absolutely diminish it.

Caring for yourself helps your body regulate stress hormones, improves mood, and enhances your capacity for pleasure and connection.

So Is “Self Care” Really Ridiculous?

Yes… and no.

The phrase might be overused, but the concept is essential. Taking care of your whole self — physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually — is foundational if you want to improve your relationship, communicate better, deepen your intimacy, or rekindle your sex life.

If you and your partner are ready to strengthen your relationship from the inside out, I can help you create a plan that supports both of you and helps you get the most out of counseling.

Ready to Care for Yourself and Your Relationship?

If you want support in navigating your relationship, building healthier patterns, or improving intimacy, I’d be honored to help. At Couples Counseling of Denver, I offer in-person therapy in Denver as well as secure virtual sessions for couples anywhere in the world.

Reach out today to schedule your free 15-minute consultation, and let’s talk about how we can support the health of both you and your relationship.