10 Sex & Relationship Myths

10 Sex & relationship myths that may be holding your relationship back. Find out the truth about love, lust, and more.

 

MYTHS:

  1. Romance and excitement should last or it’s a sign there is something wrong.
  2. Sex should be spontaneous and I should lust for my partner ALL DAY LONG.
  3. We should NEVER fight.
  4. If we fight it means we don’t love each other anymore.
  5. Never be attracted to another person.
  6. If I love my partner, I should want to be with them for the rest of my life.
  7. If I’ve had bad relationships in the past, I will always be “bad” at relationships.
  8. I no longer want sex, so I probably never will.
  9. Sexual problems mean we have relationship problems.
  10. If I’ve fallen out of love with my partner, there is no way to “fall back” in love with them.

10 SEX & RELATIONSHIP MYTHS BUSTED:

FALSE:

We do specific romantic things in the beginning of a relationship that helps grow romance and build excitement. And then, at a certain point of comfort in our relationship, we stop. But that is a choice. If it feels like romance is gone, think about what was happening in your relationship when it felt alive. Were you bringing home unexpected gifts for your partner, doing kind things for them without them expecting it, or taking time to listen (deeply) to them share their day with you? If these things have stopped, try bringing some of them back into your relationship and see if it improves your feelings of romance.

FALSE:

Desire is complex and multifaceted. It is not an On/Off switch (or I’d be out of business as a sex therapist!) And there are different types of desire (Read: Come as As You Are by Emily Nagoski to learn more about Responsive Desire versus Spontaneous Desire.

FALSE:

Conflict in relationships is natural, within limits. Each couple defines the limits but typically the ground rules are that it never gets physical, neither partner should ever feel concerned for their safety, and for some couples, certain language & tone should never be used.

FALSE:

Couples that love each other fight, but they fight fair, stick to their “rules” for fights and they repair quickly.

FALSE:

Attraction to another person is not a sign of problems in the relationship. If not acted on, it doesn’t have to be a threat to the relationship either. It can be valuable information about your sexuality and erotic template.

FALSE:

Sometimes relationships run their course. This is hard to hear when a couple still loves and respects each other. But there are other reasons that lead to a relationship ending that can be explored and understood in counseling.

FALSE:

Having been in a bad, painful or unsatisfying relationship does not doom you to always being unlucky in love. Awesome relationships are built through a combo of skills, determination and a willingness to be open, honest and vulnerable. So anyone that is willing to build skills, stick with it when things get hard and stay open to the process of building a satisfying relationship can achieve the relationship they desire.

FALSE:

Desire is not a limited resource, that once gone, is gone forever. Desire is dynamic and complex. I will spare any corny metaphors (I do love a good metaphor), but we need to nurture and grow desire. Desire isn’t built when there is a steady environment of sleep deprivation, feelings of rejection, lack of emotional connection, or lack of playfulness. If desire is gone there are some “ingredients” that make up the secret sauce of desire (I knew I could sneak at least one metaphor in!).

FALSE:

Sexual problems don’t mean that there is something wrong with the relationship. The relationship itself can be very strong, despite the sexual aspect of the relationship not being where one or both partners want it to be. And while effective communication ABOUT sex is important to heal most sexual problems, it’s not the only thing that will resolve it.

FALSE:

We do certain things to fall “in love” with a partner including focusing on their best qualities and attributes, anticipating and looking forward to our time together, and thinking about ways to make them feel special. There may also be hurt and resentment that has blocked loving feelings. While it will take time and intentional effort, you can in fact heal those injuries and reconnect in love.

Okay, so now that we’ve blown up some misconceptions and challenged some deep seated myths, CONTACT ME to set up an appointment to help you break free from the impact of these beliefs!