Why Try Premarital Counseling?
Maybe you’ve seen your parent’s marriage end in a nasty divorce. Or they’ve stayed together but they bicker a lot and don’t really seem to be “in love” or enjoying each other’s companionship anymore. Perhaps you are getting married for the second time and still feel hurt by the end of your first marriage. Or, this is your first marriage and you are just a little anxious about tying the knot. Maybe the stress of wedding planning and managing everyone else’s dreams and ideas for your big day has started to cause conflict between you and your partner. Perhaps you to dream about eloping and ditching the wedding plans altogether! Discover the advantages of Non-Religious Premarital Counseling.
Maybe you have some doubts about your relationship and whether or not you and your partner can navigate hardships and work through differences. Have you wondered: Are we really compatible?
Or maybe your relationship and communication is great, you feel really positive about the relationship. But, you haven’t talked about the big topics yet (kids, sex, finances, etc) and don’t know where to begin. Then Non-religious premarital counseling may be for you!
What is Non-religious premarital counseling
Non-religious premarital counseling is a short term (5-6 sessions) counseling process that allows you both to take a honest look at your relationship. Together we will take an inventory of the relationship. It’s strengths, areas of growth/improvement, dynamics/patterns, methods of managing conflict, differences and goals.
During the engagement period of a relationship it may be tough to want to address any areas that could “rock the boat.” But, the sooner we address these areas that could cause some trouble, the better. One of the biggest problems that couples run into early on in a relationship. Is not bringing up things that bother them. They postpone, finding excuses to wait, and basically “kick the can” down the road. Hoping it will get easier to bring it up. Or it won’t bother them as much in the future and they won’t need to bring it up.
What to expect in Non-religious premarital counseling:
- An in-depth look into the relationship dynamics, conflicts, patterns, challenges and strengths. Where we will take a look at your relationship from a number of angles.
- An exploration of physical and sexual needs and desires. Working on keeping sex and physical intimacy at the forefront of the marriage, if that is something you each want.
- Identifying and practicing skills such as managing and diffusing conflict, tolerating and the discomfort of difficult conversations. Strategies around being getting clear about your needs and asking for them directly.
- A better understanding of yourself and your partner! Through counseling, each partner can learn more about what upsets them, what comforts them. What makes them feel connected in their relationship. How to manage stress as a partnership. And examine how their life experiences impact how they show up as a partner. A little knowledge can help you become more effective in responding to your own feelings and those of your partners.
- For same sex, or non-binary couples that are planning to get married non-religious premarital counseling can help you navigate some of the specific challenges that could be present in the relationship. Such as stigma, discrimination, or homophobia from family or society. We can discuss how to navigate any disapproval from family (HINT: You and your partner always have to come from first). And, help you both transition to prioritizing the new family unit and setting healthy boundaries with your parents and other family members.
- The breaking of some of the myths about relationships. Such as: “If we fight there’s a problem.” “If I find myself attracted to someone other than my partner there’s a problem in our relationship.” “If the ‘spark’ is gone and I don’t get butterflies in my stomach when I’m around my partner there’s a problem in our relationship.” These are all myths that don’t have to mean that the relationship is on the rocks. Check out my 10 Sex and Relationship Myths BUSTED to learn more about misconceptions about relationships that cause people heartache but are false and misleading.
- Finally positive experience in couples counseling can help you develop an ease and comfort level with couples counseling. This in turn will help you break through any social stigma related to seeing a therapist. It can assist you in knowing when to return to couples counseling in the future and not just when things are on the brink. Being proactive and coming into couples counseling early, will help you stay ahead of any problems and correct any bad habits early on. (See my blog post: IS IT TOO EARLY IN OUR RELATIONSHIP FOR COUPLES COUNSELING? for more about that!).
What if one of us is Religious?
Just because I offer non-religious premarital counseling doesn’t mean that I don’t take into account the importance and significance of your religious and spiritual beliefs. . We explore the positive and for some people, painful experiences related to their belief system. A thorough understanding of your own beliefs and those of your partners’ is an important part of strengthening that relationship. Religious and spiritual beliefs, or for some, an absence of them can impact you and your partners’ shared values. Knowing where you and your partner differ in values and principles is important to learn. So, now you can to navigate, negotiate and “bridge” those differences.
Now is the time! The sooner you address the issues in your relationship the better chance you both have of having a happy, secure, resilient and long lasting marriage. As a couples counselor I can help you get comfortable having those conversations on a regular basis with your partner.
If you think that Non-religious premarital counseling would benefit your relationship and help get your marriage off to a strong start. Please call or send me an email to set up an appointment or a phone consultation to see if we’d be a good fit.
